Is anyone else a bit worried about "Little Black Dress" season? I will have several functions to go to: my work, his work, church & friends...and everything involves food...lots of food. I've lost over 20 pounds in the last eight months, and managed to keep most of it off. I can't wear the "Little Black Dress" from last year because it wasn't "so Little". I'm trying to develop a strategy to survive the holiday season, and enjoy it fully without eating every sweet thing in sight. That's always been my problem...sweet things: chocolates, cookies, candy and cakes...have you noticed they all start with "C"? And, this is the time of year that everyone, even your Mom and best friends inundate you with every form of sugar known to womankind. This is the best and the worst time of the year for me. I love Christmas but I hate my relationship with sweets and how hard it is to refuse them when they are in such plentiful supply where ever you look. Everything about them is so inviting, the colors, the textures and those incredibly delicious smells. If I could have "taste" and "smell" turned off for the next 6 weeks...Christmas would be perfect. I want to be able to get into a "Little Black Dress" and feel wonderful, but I also want to be able to go to these various functions and fully enjoy them without coming away full of guilt because I over indulged, again.
I know the 4 Golden Rules for eating, but in situations like this, I really wonder how well I will do. I know that a lot of nutritionists say that it is OK to indulge once in a while, and that it won't cause excessive weight gain. But, I do worry that if I get back into this indulgent mind set, that I won't be able to get back on track again. I know that January follows December, and it's always easy to start the new year with all kinds of healthy resolutions, but do I really want to put my body through another bout of inflate and deflate? No, I don't , and that's why I need a strategy.
All ideas greatfully accepted. I'm Bettter than Ever...and I want to keep it that way.
Amanda
Monday, November 10, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Reprogramming My Self Image
Recently, I have been privileged to meet three very lovely women. Paul McKenna helped me to meet them. I have always been able to visualize, but Paul brought these three very different ladies to life. Using his reprogramming DVDs, I noticed first one, then another, and eventually the third.
The first one is standing in a sunny, park like setting with trees gently swaying behind her, and the sunshine turning her hair to a myriad of golden highlights. She is smiling, and radiates joy, happiness and an abundance of good health. She is slim, and athletic and is wearing a gossamer wisp of a dress in lime green and peach that ripples in the warm, gentle breeze.
Lovely lady number two sits behind a beautiful mahogany desk. She always sits upright with impeccable posture and poise, and exudes confidence and capability. She's slender and wears a tailor-made sheath in oatmeal colored silk which is simple in design, yet elegant in style. Her appearance is flawless yet hardened like steel. Her eyes are calm, but a lioness crouches within their depths. She's everything a good executive should be, without sacrificing an ounce of femininity.
Number three is quite different. She's really quite ethereal, but totally captivating. She stands in a beam of pure, liquid light. There are no shadows, in fact, she is very nearly transparent. Her dress is simplicity itself in a pale buttercup yellow, and everything about her is light. She's slender and willowy and exudes peace, contentment and serenity.
Three very different women, wouldn't you agree? Not really.. they are all the very best parts of who I really am. I can see them quite clearly. All I have to do is think of them, and there they are. It's really rather nice. If I'm feeling down or discouraged, there they are, and they really are lovely to look at. I've never been any of these women, but I could be, and will be...maybe Thanks Paul, each and every day, I'm getting better than ever.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Stop the ride...I want to get off!
Where to begin? As a child, I only have happy memories. I was born at home in a small village in Somerset, England. We played in the woods and fields, my sister and I and the two boys who were like brothers, but lived next door. I can still rember the sounds of Cookoos in Spring, and in my minds eye, see the woodlands carpeted in blue bells. I remember swimming in the river and romping in the hay loft at the local farm. I have memories of trips to the seaside and a wonderful confection called a "Nickerbockerglory" that was served in a very tall glass, with a long handled spoon. It seemed like the most wonderful thing in the world through the eyes of a young child. I remember playing at Stonehenge, and climbing the Westbury White Horse.
We moved to a 400 year old house in town when I was about 7, and I absolutely hated school lunches. I used to run away home, and still have an aversion to tounge and liver. Is that really a healthy way to feed a child? I was the younger sister of a very beautiful young girl. They always told her how beautiful she was, and she never got tired of hearing it. I was shorter, and plainer and slightly plump, but I was the good, tidy little girl, who loved to dress up and never got dirty. I always watched, and adored my older sister, but never copied her mistakes.
At nine, we emigrated to Toronto, Ontario, Canada, and left our large, extended family behind forever. My sister never truly recovered or forgave my parents for doing what they thought was best for the future of the four of us. They both worked very hard to make sure we had the kind of life they wanted to be able to give us. We weren't spoilt, but we were also never hard done by. We had everything we needed, but those first years were lonely, and my Mother was terribly home sick, but never said so. I did well in school, but always remained the plump one. My sister blossomed into a young teenage beauty, but she was rebelious and sought to follow whoever offered the easiest, most entertaining path. She fell heavily into the drug scene all throughout high school, while I was a studios cheerleader. It's kind of strange really, I didn't fit the uniform the way the thinner girls did, but I had the heart and lungs of a lion.
I finished high school nearly a year ahead of my friends, and was already working full time when graduation came around. I had already outgrown those earlier friendships, but always regret that I didn't go to my graduation. I started Karate in my early teens, and everything was martial arts. I was the only girl in a school with a hundred guys and they protected me like I was made of glass, even though I could kick some of their butts. I worked as a Collections Agent for a Finance company, and that is where I met my first husband.
He seemed like a nice guy, but we got married way too fast and lived to regret it very soon after the nuptuals. In fact, I quite disliked my first wedding. I had already started gaining some weight before the big event, and the photos revealed a slightly heafty, but pretty little bride. We bought a hundred year old house in a small town, and tried to settle down to married life. It didn't work. Neither one of us was happy. He hid behind his buddies, and I hid behind food. 18 months later, and 50 pounds heavier, we were in divorce court, and I was still only 22.
Freedom was liberating, I took up belly dancing and lost most of the weight. I loved how I felt and looked when I wore those lovely swirls of satin and chiffon. I loved the sensuous moves and how feminine they made me feel. It's funny how a divorce has this way of somehow robbing you of your self esteem, like perhaps it was your fault that you weren't the perfect wife or companion. I moved on to body building and joined a mostly male gym. Once again I was pushing my way into a male oriented world, but this time I was made to feel like an intruder.
Eight years later, after many ups and downs and yo yo diets, I had gained and lost myself many times over, I met my second husband. Once again, I jumped in fast, and after six months we were married and on our way to Calgary, Alberta to start a new life. My parents were moving there too, as my sister and her two two daughters lived there. She was in an unhappy marriage, and six months after we moved to be nearer to her, she moved to another province.
Here I was, starting all over again. A new husband, and new home and a new job. We have both worked hard to buy our home and make a good life for ourselves. I never wanted children, so instead we have my parents and four dogs. This is how I define family. I started off as a data entry clerk and have worked my way up to the Finance Manager, running two branches of our Canadian Operations. I considered myself a successful woman, but when I looked in the mirror, I didn't like what I was seeing. I felt like I just wanted to stop the ride and say...I want to get off. Things were good, but this was not who I wanted to be. I wanted to look in the mirror and see the person I just knew was supposed to be there.
My weight has fluctuated so much in the last twenty years, but since I went into menopause at 39 the weight just seemed to keep adding and adding a little more each year. When I first saw Paul McKenna's show "I Can Make You Thin" being advertised on television, I got really excited. I have tried every diet, pill and piece of equipment known to man (woman) kind. This was different, and somehow, I just felt that it was going to work. I waited with great anticipation, and followed each show very carefully. It really does work, as those of you who are following the program can testify to. I don't always follow the four golden rules as I should, but I don't feel guilty as I know I can always start again tomorrow and I can get right back on track.
It has been a slow process for me, but I am not disappointed that I am not losing as fast as some. I fully understand that each of our bodies work differently, and weight loss is an individual thing. One of the greatest benefits has been how wonderful it makes me feel. I look and feel better than I have in at least 10 years, and at 51, I feel healthier and more confident than I have ever felt in my entire adult life. I look in the mirror, and see that strong, confident woman in a body that I'm no longer ashamed of. I am still on the journey, and who knows where it may lead, but I am better than ever.
Amanda
We moved to a 400 year old house in town when I was about 7, and I absolutely hated school lunches. I used to run away home, and still have an aversion to tounge and liver. Is that really a healthy way to feed a child? I was the younger sister of a very beautiful young girl. They always told her how beautiful she was, and she never got tired of hearing it. I was shorter, and plainer and slightly plump, but I was the good, tidy little girl, who loved to dress up and never got dirty. I always watched, and adored my older sister, but never copied her mistakes.
At nine, we emigrated to Toronto, Ontario, Canada, and left our large, extended family behind forever. My sister never truly recovered or forgave my parents for doing what they thought was best for the future of the four of us. They both worked very hard to make sure we had the kind of life they wanted to be able to give us. We weren't spoilt, but we were also never hard done by. We had everything we needed, but those first years were lonely, and my Mother was terribly home sick, but never said so. I did well in school, but always remained the plump one. My sister blossomed into a young teenage beauty, but she was rebelious and sought to follow whoever offered the easiest, most entertaining path. She fell heavily into the drug scene all throughout high school, while I was a studios cheerleader. It's kind of strange really, I didn't fit the uniform the way the thinner girls did, but I had the heart and lungs of a lion.
I finished high school nearly a year ahead of my friends, and was already working full time when graduation came around. I had already outgrown those earlier friendships, but always regret that I didn't go to my graduation. I started Karate in my early teens, and everything was martial arts. I was the only girl in a school with a hundred guys and they protected me like I was made of glass, even though I could kick some of their butts. I worked as a Collections Agent for a Finance company, and that is where I met my first husband.
He seemed like a nice guy, but we got married way too fast and lived to regret it very soon after the nuptuals. In fact, I quite disliked my first wedding. I had already started gaining some weight before the big event, and the photos revealed a slightly heafty, but pretty little bride. We bought a hundred year old house in a small town, and tried to settle down to married life. It didn't work. Neither one of us was happy. He hid behind his buddies, and I hid behind food. 18 months later, and 50 pounds heavier, we were in divorce court, and I was still only 22.
Freedom was liberating, I took up belly dancing and lost most of the weight. I loved how I felt and looked when I wore those lovely swirls of satin and chiffon. I loved the sensuous moves and how feminine they made me feel. It's funny how a divorce has this way of somehow robbing you of your self esteem, like perhaps it was your fault that you weren't the perfect wife or companion. I moved on to body building and joined a mostly male gym. Once again I was pushing my way into a male oriented world, but this time I was made to feel like an intruder.
Eight years later, after many ups and downs and yo yo diets, I had gained and lost myself many times over, I met my second husband. Once again, I jumped in fast, and after six months we were married and on our way to Calgary, Alberta to start a new life. My parents were moving there too, as my sister and her two two daughters lived there. She was in an unhappy marriage, and six months after we moved to be nearer to her, she moved to another province.
Here I was, starting all over again. A new husband, and new home and a new job. We have both worked hard to buy our home and make a good life for ourselves. I never wanted children, so instead we have my parents and four dogs. This is how I define family. I started off as a data entry clerk and have worked my way up to the Finance Manager, running two branches of our Canadian Operations. I considered myself a successful woman, but when I looked in the mirror, I didn't like what I was seeing. I felt like I just wanted to stop the ride and say...I want to get off. Things were good, but this was not who I wanted to be. I wanted to look in the mirror and see the person I just knew was supposed to be there.
My weight has fluctuated so much in the last twenty years, but since I went into menopause at 39 the weight just seemed to keep adding and adding a little more each year. When I first saw Paul McKenna's show "I Can Make You Thin" being advertised on television, I got really excited. I have tried every diet, pill and piece of equipment known to man (woman) kind. This was different, and somehow, I just felt that it was going to work. I waited with great anticipation, and followed each show very carefully. It really does work, as those of you who are following the program can testify to. I don't always follow the four golden rules as I should, but I don't feel guilty as I know I can always start again tomorrow and I can get right back on track.
It has been a slow process for me, but I am not disappointed that I am not losing as fast as some. I fully understand that each of our bodies work differently, and weight loss is an individual thing. One of the greatest benefits has been how wonderful it makes me feel. I look and feel better than I have in at least 10 years, and at 51, I feel healthier and more confident than I have ever felt in my entire adult life. I look in the mirror, and see that strong, confident woman in a body that I'm no longer ashamed of. I am still on the journey, and who knows where it may lead, but I am better than ever.
Amanda
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